Saving Star Wars Episode II

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

I will be honest, Episode II is probably my least favorite Star Wars movie. That does not mean it is pure garbage. However, I would recommend more extensive rewrites than I did for Episode I.


What do I like about the movie? The answer is one character, Obi Wan Kenobi.  Well, that is not all that I like about it.  I like the ending, for the most part.  The end fight scene when the clone army shows up and we see more than a couple of Jedi (we see dozens) in action is well done, in my opinion. Also, the fights against Dooku are good too.  I know some people have an issue with Yoda, flipping around.  I think it works.  Yoda has a very important advantage in lightsaber combat, his height. Normally, people assume that a taller or larger opponent has the advantage in a fight and normally, that is the case.  Imagine this, you are Count Dooku. He is a human that is over 6 feet tall. For most of his training and fighting experience he probably practiced or fought against other humanoids around his size. Fighting someone a third his size means that he can only strike downward when Yoda is on the ground, and has a smaller target when Yoda jumps.  Yoda, can strike downward, upward, anyway he wants, plus his target is much larger. Obi Wan has a great arc in this movie. He uncovers the clone army, fights Jango Fett, and kicks ass, until he fights Dooku. I only have one real issue with his part of the movie and I will get to that in a moment.

Speaking of Dooku, Christopher Lee is awesome in this movie, as he is in every movie. I love how he basically tells Obi Wan the complete truth about Sidious running the Republic. Speaking of great villains, Palpatine has done it again. He can’t lose.  He has control of the clone army and through Dooku, control of the droid army.  He continues to maneuver events so that no matter which side wins, he wins. Years of long term planning continue to pay off for him.

The main issue that I have with this movie is Anakin Skywalker. His main arc is how he and Padme fall in love, but after watching this movie I question every romantic relationship that George Lucas has ever had. Has the man never had a romantic relationship? Almost all of the dialogue between Anakin and Padme makes his come across as needy, clingy, whiny or just plain creepy.  One of my least favorite examples of this occurs early in the movie after Anakin is assigned to escort Padme back to Naboo. He is leering at her and she says “Please don’t look at me like that.” And his response is to lean in closer, not breaking his creeper stare and say “Why not?”  I mean, this is the character we are supposed to cheer for? This is the guy that we are supposed to believe she falls in love with?  That is perhaps the worst possible reaction to her saying that.

I understand him having a crush on her. She is strong, brave, intelligent and beautiful.  He first met her during a very traumatic time in his life. He was away from his home and mother for the first time, he almost died and she was genuinely nice to him.  Her having a crush on him, zero chance.  She even says when she first sees him “You’ll always be that little boy I met on Tatooine.” She does comment on how he has grown, but it comes across less “Oh my, how hot you are now” and more seeing a cousin that you haven’t seen in 10 years and you are just making an observation. The whole romance seems forced and rushed in my opinion. I mean he admits to murdering women and children and she just sort of lets it go.  Not sure how you go from child murder to I love you, but I guess if you were angry about your mom dying it’s okay.

Anakin whines A LOT in this movie.  It is worse when you realize that he has spent the last 10 years as a Jedi apprentice.  He has traveled the galaxy, been in life threatening situations and seen various alien cultures.  This also goes back to my comments about Episode I, he should be more mature.  Anakin lived far from a sheltered life. His first ten years were spent as a slave, the next 10 were spent in Jedi training.  He should be more disciplined and mature than he is portrayed. I understand him having a reckless streak, but not this. Luke had a gentler life, by far and he complained like twice early in Episode IV. You see him frustrated in Episode V, but he isn’t whiny.

I think that if Anakin had been more mature things would have fared better. Also, maybe drop some dialogue that Padme is into him.  Have a scene where she is eyeing him up. Make that “you’ve grown” line a little more sexual. Also, I think it would have been more fitting if he had jumped out the window after the assassin droid, instead of Obi Wan. Also, if when they are on Naboo he fights of an assassin, saving her life I think that would have helped the relationship building.

As much as I love the clone army, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, as it is portrayed.  It is the weak link in the Kenobi arc.  I understand that it was ordered secretly, a secret that no one really looks into a whole lot.  Maybe have someone in the Senate or Jedi council admit that they ordered it in secret? Also, I know that governments have funds for covert operation or other classified projects, but how did they hide the cost of the clone army? 1.2 million Soldiers that had to be grown, fed, trained and equipped. And by equipped I mean, clothes, armor, weapons, ground assault vehicles, landing ships, and capitol ships.  They created an entire armed force. Also, after such a huge order you would think that they would have sent regular updates, but it appears as if they have not heard from anyone in 10 years.

I know I am short on suggestions to “fix” this movie.  I think perhaps it is because there is a lot wrong with it.  I mean a few lines of dialogue could help the clone army issue. Anakin, however would require a complete rewrite of the character.

One final thing that bugs me is the whole “bring balance to the Force” prophecy. Master Windu says that their “ability to use the Force is diminished”, but we see all the Jedi using a variety of Force abilities through the rest of the movie and the next one. How is it diminished? Why? We never hear anything about this again.  It is very out of place.


One Response to “Saving Star Wars Episode II”

  1. The only thing I would have done differently is have Mace Windu and Yoda confronting Count Dooku. Just my thoughts.

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